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The light princess.
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And so remarkable were its effects upon her, especially in restoring her
for the time to the ordinary human gravity, that Hum-Drum and Kopy-Keck
agreed in recommending the king to bury her alive for three years; in
the hope that, as the water did her so much good, the earth would do her
yet more. But the king had some vulgar prejudices against the
experiment, and would not give his consent. Foiled in this, they yet
agreed in another recommendation; which, seeing that one imported his
opinions from China and the other from Thibet, was very remarkable
indeed. They argued that, if water of external origin and application
could be so efficacious, water from a deeper source might work a perfect
cure; in short, that if the poor afflicted princess could by any means
be made to cry, she might recover her lost gravity.
But how was this to be brought about? Therein lay all the difficulty--to
meet which the philosophers were not wise enough. To make the princess
cry was as impossible as to make her weigh. They sent for a professional
beggar, commanded him to prepare his most touching oracle of woe, helped
him out of the court charade box to whatever he wanted for dressing up,
and promised great rewards in the event of his success. But it was all
in vain. She listened to the mendicant artist's story, and gazed at his
marvellous make up, till she could contain herself no longer, and went
into the most undignified contortions for relief, shrieking, positively
screeching with laughter.
When she had a little recovered herself, she ordered her attendants to
drive him away, and not give him a single copper; whereupon his look of
mortified discomfiture wrought her punishment and his revenge, for it
sent her into violent hysterics, from which she was with difficulty
But so anxious was the king that the suggestion should have a fair
trial, that he put himself in a rage one day, and, rushing up to her
room, gave her an awful whipping. Yet not a tear would flow. She looked
grave, and her laughing sounded uncommonly like screaming--that was all.
The good old tyrant, though he put on his best gold spectacles to look,
could not discover the smallest cloud in the serene blue of her eyes.
It must have been about this time that the son of a king, who lived a
thousand miles from Lagobel, set out to look for the daughter of a
queen. He travelled far and wide, but as sure as he found a princess, he
found some fault with her. Of course he could not marry a mere woman,
however beautiful; and there was no princess to be found worthy of him.
Whether the prince was so near perfection that he had a right to demand
perfection itself, I cannot pretend to say. All I know is, that he was a
fine, handsome, brave, generous, well-bred, and well-behaved youth, as
all princes are.
In his wanderings he had come across some reports about our princess;
but as everybody said she was bewitched, he never dreamed that she could
bewitch him. For what indeed could a prince do with a princess that had
lost her gravity? Who could tell what she might not lose next? She might
lose her visibility, or her tangibility; or, in short, the power of
making impressions upon the radical sensorium; so that he should never
be able to tell whether she was dead or alive. Of course he made no
further inquiries about her.
One day he lost sight of his retinue in a great forest. These forests
are very useful in delivering princes from their courtiers, like a sieve
that keeps back the bran. Then the princes get away to follow their
fortunes. In this way they have the advantage of the princesses, who are
forced to marry before they have had a bit of fun. I wish our princesses
got lost in a forest sometimes.
One lovely evening, after wandering about for many days, he found that
he was approaching the outskirts of this forest; for the trees had got
so thin that he could see the sunset through them; and he soon came upon
a kind of heath. Next he came upon signs of human neighbourhood; but by
this time it was getting late, and there was nobody in the fields to
After travelling for another hour, his horse, quite worn out with long
labour and lack of food, fell, and was unable to rise again. So he
continued his journey on foot. A length he entered another wood--not a
wild forest, but a civilised wood, through which a footpath led him to
the side of a lake. Along this path the prince pursued his way through
the gathering darkness. Suddenly he paused, and listened. Strange sounds
came across the water. It was, in fact, the princess laughing. Now there
was something odd in her laugh, as I have already hinted; for the
hatching of a real hearty laugh requires the incubation of gravity; and
perhaps this was how the prince mistook the laughter for screaming.
Looking over the lake, he saw something white in the water; and, in an
instant, he had torn off his tunic, kicked off his sandals, and plunged
in. He soon reached the white object, and found that it was a woman.
There was not light enough to show that she was a princess, but quite
enough to show that she was a lady, for it does not want much light to
Now I cannot tell how it came about--whether she pretended to be
drowning, or whether he frightened her, or caught her so as to embarrass
her--but certainly he brought her to shore in a fashion ignominious to a
swimmer, and more nearly drowned than she had ever expected to be; for
the water had got into her throat as often as she had tried to speak.
At the place to which he bore her, the bank was only a foot or two above
the water; so he gave her a strong lift out of the water, to lay her on
the bank. But, her gravitation ceasing the moment she left the water,
away she went up into the air, scolding and screaming.
"You naughty, naughty , Naughty, NAUGHTY man!" she cried.
No one had ever succeeded in putting her into a passion before. When the
prince saw her ascend, he thought he must have been bewitched, and have
mistaken a great swan for a lady. But the princess caught hold of the
topmost cone upon a lofty fir. This came off; but she caught at another;
and, in fact, stopped herself by gathering cones, dropping them as the
stalks gave way. The prince, meantime, stood in the water, staring, and
forgetting to get out. But the princess disappearing, he scrambled on
shore, and went in the direction of the tree. There he found her
climbing down one of the branches towards the stem. But in the darkness
of the wood, the prince continued in some bewilderment as to what the
phenomenon could be; until, reaching the ground, and seeing him standing
there, she caught hold of him, and said:
"I'll tell papa,"
"Oh no, you won't!" returned the prince.
"Yes, I will," she persisted. "What business had you to pull me down out
of the water, and throw me to the bottom of the air? I never did you any